Student Writing Sample: Score of 4

English Language Arts Standard: Creation and Presentation of Text

All students will compose clear text in a variety of forms for many purposes.

Two readers each gave this student essay a score of 4 (for a total score of 8), so it is considered an example of the scoring criteria for score 4. The Board of Regents has decided that a total score of 8 means the student has "achieved the standard" in writing.

Criteria for a Score of 4

Presents relevant ideas and develops them clearly and fairly well; is generally well-organized throughout; has generally well-formed sentences; uses language fairly well; has relatively few serious, intrusive errors in grammar and conventions.

Grade 7 Writing Example: Score of 4

Grade 7 Writing Topic (informative/Expository Style of Writing):

Think about a special day or event you shared with someone. It might be a short trip or a party. Describe what you did and why it was important.

Grade 7 Essay:

The Wedding.

     I remember the day as if it were yesterday. It was a rainy January 17, 1996. Even though the weather was bad it was a happy day for everyone. It was the day of my oldest sister's, Jenny, wedding. It was a happy, but buzy, day for everyone. In the morning all the women, including me, we're at the salon getting our hair done.
     After we finished with our hair we went to the Club, where the ceremony and reception were going to be held, to decorate. We decorated everything with baloons and streamers. We set p the tables and put decorations on each one. After the decorations were done we all went home to finish getting ready.
     After we were ready the whole immediate family net at my grandmother's house. We were all there, Jenny, Mom, Dad, me, my cousin, my aunt, my uncle, and my grandmother.
     After a little while the limosine came to pick Jenny up to drive her to the wedding. My cousin, Lesley, and I went along because we were the bride's maids, and my dad went because he was the best man.
     The ride in the limosine was very fun. It was the first time I has ridden in a limosine. This limosine had everything, a television, champagne, soda, a phone, snacks, everything.
     We finally arrived to the Club. Jenny and my dad went in, followed by the flower girl, the ringbarer, and finally, by Leslie and I. We got into our positions and the ceremony began. All eyes were o Jenny and David, her husband-to-be.
     The judge began saying the vows, and and they were finally declared husband and wife. Everyone started clapping and cheering, and the reception finally began.
     I caught the bride's flowers, which means, according to legend, that I was going to be the next one to get married.
     Everyone was happy. We all danced the night away.
     This event was important because it brought the whole family together. It brought all of us that live in Providence with our other relatives, such as my aunt and cousins that lived in New York and Massachusetts.
     Also because it was the day that my sister got married. It was a day of happiness for her, which meant a day of happiness for all of us.

ANALYSIS:

This paper is an example of a seventh-grade student's writing that meets Rhode Island's writing standard. Her sister's wedding day is an appropriate choice for a special day or event and the writer has provided adequate details to recreate that day. The logical organization moves the reader easily through the paper. The writer's use of language allows the main point to be clearly understood: "I remember the day as if it were yesterday," and "This event was inportant because it brought the whole family together."
The sentence structures are generally correct and this paper contains relatively few serious errors in grammar and conventions.

NOTE:

Scores appear in a range of 2 to 12 since each essay is read and scored twice for a single total score.

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